And The Joke Is, When He Awoke
by xiexiegirl
Summary: David has magic powers and decides to use these powers for evil. And by "evil", he means "getting Kurt and Blaine together". Wes does not approve.


**Title:** And The Joke Is, When He Awoke, His Body Was Covered In Roses

**Rating:** PG-13, if that

**Spoilers (if any):** Silly Love Songs

**Warnings (if any):** Magic. Wondertwins. Psychic Wes.

**Word Count:** 2303

**Summary:** David has magic powers and decides to use these powers for evil. And by "evil", he means "getting Kurt and Blaine together". Wes does not approve.

**Author's Note:** This came out far more David-centric than intended. Beta'd by fleurdelisee on LJ. Posted there originally. I'm slowly archiving all my fic here, because it's nice to have it on multiple sites. Title is a bastardized quote from "Money City Maniacs" by Sloan.

* * *

The day David turned thirteen, he blew up his mother's favorite clock because he was late for school and had wished he could turn all the clocks back ten minutes.

That was when his mom gave him the talk. Not ithat/i talk, but the one about how magical powers ran in the family. Skipped his mother, went straight to him.

Thirteen-year-old David had been less than pleased at first, but after the talk with his mother, and another talk later with Wes, who knew what was going on before David said a word (Wes _was_ psychic), and he realized that having magical powers might actually be kind of cool.

And then he set his science teacher's hair on fire.

When David turned fourteen and accidentally burned down his father's office building, his parents filled out the paperwork for private school.

* * *

Dalton wasn't quite what David had been expecting. He had Wes with him, because Wes insisted on going, and Wes' parents _still_ weren't immune to two sets of puppy-dog eyes. Having a psychic best friend with him certainly helped, but it still took some getting used to. (Plus, Wes refused to give him test answers. David had pouted for a week over that.)

David and Wes weren't the only two with powers, though Dalton was far from Professor Xavier's school. There were plenty of normal kids in with the not-so-normal ones, and the normals didn't really care much about those with powers.

* * *

When Blaine requested that they help him serenade the guy from the Gap store, the uproar was immediate. David muttered a quiet _calm down_ and laid his hand on Wes' arm, and Wes immediately calmed and banged his gavel a few times, calling for order.

David got a glare from Wes, but figured he'd be forgiven for using magic. If Wes didn't forgive him, David would conjure flowers or something again. It worked when David accidentally blew up Wes' Xbox when they were fifteen.

Of course, the Xbox hadn't really been all that functional before, but given that they'd been rather klutzy at the time, it was the only one they'd been allowed to use. Blowing it up had probably been the nicest thing that could have happened to it really. David frowned. This might require more than magic flowers, after all.

When Blaine said they were turning into porcelain birds, David lost it and almost turned _him_ into a bird. _Literally_. Wes banged his gavel a couple more times. He called for Thad to calm down first because, well, Thad was pyrokinetic. Pissing Thad off would result in the rehearsal room bursting into flames.

When everyone was calm again (and David had suppressed the urge to turn Blaine into a _real_ warbler), Kurt spoke up. In Blaine's defense, obviously, but without causing quite the reaction Blaine had. David suspected that there was something up with that kid and shot Wes a look who picked up David's pen and wrote _he can control emotions within limits_. David blinked, a little impressed, and resolved to slip references to Jasper from Twilight into everything he said around Kurt for a while.

The details were sorted, plans were made, and David groaned after everyone else (excluding Wes) had left.

"I feel so bad for Kurt. He is head over heels for Blaine." Wes said, gathering his things. "Also, do not think I've forgiven you for magicking me earlier." David didn't even bother replying verbally, instead choosing to think about ways to get Wes to forgive him. "No. No magic flowers. It was cute when it was all you could conjure. You, David, are going to have to actually _work_ at getting me to forgive you this time." David pouted at Wes' back when the other teenager got up and started walking out. "Not working, David. Try again!" Wes called over his shoulder.

David sighed and started planning. Two minutes later, his phone vibrated, indicating he had a text.

_No, conjured coffee won't help either. Besides, your conjured coffee sucks. Conjure to Starbucks' quality and we'll talk._

David scowled.

* * *

They went and sang at the Gap, per Blaine's request. It ended disastrously for Blaine, but David, after a lot of pouting, flowers, and conjured coupons to Starbucks, finally got Wes to forgive him, so it wasn't a total loss.

Especially when he realized that Kurt and Blaine really needed a good push in the right direction, and that need was made all the more apparent after they'd sung 'Silly Love Songs'. (Although David had gotten momentarily hung up on Wes hugging the McKinley cheerleader before remembering the Wes was her cousin and psychic powers ran in that family and if he didn't want Santana to rip his eyes out, he might want to mentally shut up.)

And so, that night, David began to form a plan.

"No magic flowers, David!"

"Shut up, Wes!"

* * *

It took about a week for him to form a plan that he decided might get Wes' approval. (And he was getting Wes' approval because, A: Best friend; B: Wes was psychic and would know anyway; and C: Wes was a bit of a control freak.)

"I am not, David!" Wes shouted from across the room. David threw a pen at him.

The plan, as it stood, involved David abusing his magic powers (his mother would forgive him), Thad using his pyrokinetic abilities, and Wes using his psychic-ness to his advantage.

"It's called 'telepathy', David." David threw another pen at him.

First, David and Thad would set up candles and light them-

"Thad hates being used as a lighter, David."

"Shut _up_, Wes."

After that, David would magick them into going into that room-

"David, that's a bad idea." David threw yet another pen at him.

And then, Wes would read their minds and tell them what the other was thinking.

"David, for the last time, I am not going to read Kurt and Blaine's minds and tell them what the other thinks of them. It's invasive."

David snorted and thought _And reading mine isn't?_

"...shut up." Wes muttered, glaring.

"Didn't say a thing." David replied, looking at his math homework and wishing it was done. Or that he was the psychic one so he could know the answers.

"David, cheating is wrong."

"Will you stop that? It is weird when you answer my thoughts." David muttered, reaching for another pen to throw at him and realizing he was out. Instead, he raised a hand, wiggled his fingers in what looked like an attempt at jazz hands, and managed to send one of Wes' own pens flying at his head. Wes glared. David attempted to look innocent and angelic, to which Wes snorted.

"I might have believed it if it wasn't for the fact that you now have an actual halo." Wes pointed to a spot above David's head, and David dug for the mirror he kept in his bag. He pulled it out and looked and realized that Wes was right.

"At least I don't have-" David hadn't even finished his sentence when he heard a ripping sound. "-wings." He sighed the last word and pulled out his phone, dialing a number and holding it up to his ear. "Mom? Yeah, I grew wings. Again."

* * *

Once David's problems had been taken care of, he and Wes came up with a plan that didn't involve using Thad as a lighter or Wes as a fortune teller. Step one: Lock them in a closet. Step two: Make the light bulb spontaneously burn out. Step three: Wait.

The first two steps went swimmingly, but David was never a very patient person, and as a result, opened the door too soon. He came face-to-face with a very pissed off Blaine, who, it turned out, was telekinetic. David didn't leave his closet for a week afterwards, and had Wes bring him his homework.

(David also saw Wes' point about his coffee. Despite his skills with an actual coffeemaker, David's conjured stuff was _awful_.)

Blaine had apparently forgiven him by the time David came back out of his closet, something David was immensely thankful for, though Blaine and Kurt didn't stop making jokes about David being in the closet for a few days. David got revenge by turning all of Blaine's blazers hot pink and all of Kurt's ties to clashing shades of pink and green.

The ensuing prank war lasted two weeks before the headmaster called a ceasefire. Jeff had the ability to control plants (the number of references to Poison Ivy after everyone found out was insane, although, not many people were that surprised, considering that whenever Jeff and Nick were in the same room together, the plants suddenly bloomed, even if they were out of season) and had turned everyone's rooms into a tropical jungle. Nick could control weather (also not that surprising, considering the sun (almost literally) shined out of Nick's ass whenever Jeff was around, and literally shined outside, even in the middle of a rainstorm) and helped out his roommate by turning it into an actual rainforest.

Wes and David used their abilities to turn Jeff and Nick's room into a room more befitting that of a seven-year-old girl who had an obsession with Disney princesses. Kurt and Blaine enlisted Thad and burned everyone else's textbooks and homework.

Detention for everyone for almost a month, and they all were required to help clean up the mess. David spent his detention coming up with plans to get Kurt and Blaine together, most of which Wes immediately disapproved.

In the end, David finally agreed to stop coming up with ideas that used Wes' powers. It was grudgingly, but he agreed. So, he enlisted Jeff so he could learn how to conjure flowers _other_ than roses. He'd been making roses since he first learned how to create things using magic, and it usually worked well enough that he didn't worry about anything else, but, by that point, roses were kind of David's trademark and if he wanted to not make it obvious that he was setting them up, David needed to learn how to make something else.

He'd found out what Kurt's favorite flowers were from Blaine, and had proceeded to spend the next three days with Jeff, learning the construction of daisies, so that he didn't screw them up somehow. (Or turn them neon pink, like he did when he attempted to make waffles once. David's still not sure how that one happened.)

Even after the science lessons with Jeff, David's first few attempts at daisies don't come out that great. Mainly because they were blue and red, which, while awesome for school spirit, weren't what David was going for.

When he finally managed to produce a bouquet of them that looked normal, David put them in a vase, did a truly impressive job of forging Blaine's handwriting on the note, and levitated them through the window of Kurt's dorm room (lucky kid had a _single_) and onto the desk.

It was completely worth Blaine almost killing him the next day when David saw that Kurt had relocated the flowers from his desk to his bedside table and had pinned the note up next to the picture of Blaine on his corkboard.

* * *

Step two involved Nick.

David (and Wes, because he insisted that David would set someone on fire or something. David would like to insist that it was only _once_) dragged the other four (because Nick insisted that Jeff come along) out to the strip mall, where the four conspirators immediately abandoned Kurt and Blaine with only one umbrella and darted into the Starbucks a few shops away to watch what would happen. After retrieving their coffees, Nick sighed, rolled his eyes at David's insistence upon it happening _now_ (whiny tone included, despite David's protestations), and made it rain. It was light and stopped often at first (Jeff was there, and well, the sun was always shining whenever Nick and Jeff were around each other), but after a pointed glare from David and a muttered threat about turning his roommate into a canary, the rain became heavier and continuous.

Kurt and Blaine looked at the single umbrella and shrugged in unison before Blaine picked it up and opened it, holding it over both of them. David actually planned ahead for once and gave them a small one, so they had to huddle together a bit, both of them blushing hard enough that the four Dalton students inside the coffee shop, thirty yards away, could see them clearly.

David cheered loudly enough that Wes reached over and smacked him before people gave them any more weird looks. The rain fizzled out after a few minutes because Nick had lost his focus and started talking with Jeff about something (David couldn't hear what it was, but if the looks they were giving each other were any indication, it didn't involve them getting their heads out of their asses). When the rain completely stopped and the sun went back to shining (David really wanted to know when Jeff and Nick would realize that they were head over heels for each other and _get on with it_), Blaine closed the umbrella and brushed Kurt's bangs out of his eyes. David was about thirty seconds from making one of them fall over when Kurt sighed, grabbed Blaine by the lapels of his coat, and pulled him in for a kiss.

David cheered again and Wes smacked him again. Jeff and Nick were too busy making the sun shine and the flowers bloom out of season to notice. David really hoped they got their heads out of their asses soon.

"No, David. No more match-making. Or I _will_ get Thad to set you on fire."

"Shut up, Wes."


End file.
